Bios

image Stats Brady

Brady: After leaving his position as “spare” for the band One Direction, Brady has dedicated his life to Drinking Sports. As an athlete of the highest caliber, he continues to astound analysts with his all-around game and league-record breaking thighs. While some speculate that he has flirted with leaving the game to coach, he still remains a threat while on the field of play.

nick Stats Nick

Nick: During the lockout of 2013, Nick left the North American circuit for more lucrative contracts in the European leagues. Representing Germany, he quickly became a national hero and lead his team and country to two consecutive European Union gold medals, and was awarded VIP of the Former-Soviet Union Territories Tournament (FSUTT). Now back on Western soil, Nick looks to make up for lost ground and prove once again why he’s considered one of the greats.

brett Stats Brett

Brett: Due in part to good behavior and his status as a legend in the game, Brett has been granted temporary parole from the State of Georgia Penal System for this monumental event. Once considered a shoe-in for the Beersbee Hall of Heroes, Brett was caught up in a gambling scandal which led to his imprisonment, and eventual removal from the sport. While the Hall of Heroes is now out of reach, Brett is eager to show the world that one weighted frisbee should not overshadow such a record-breaking career. 2013 Champion; The Drinking Dinos (C)

elaina Stats Elaina

Elaina: With her brash, unapologetic strategies, Elaina is ushering in a new era of Beersbee. Knowing no boundaries, she is most famous for her colourful language and willingness to intimidate off the court. When asked why she goes so far out of her way to psychologically devastate her opponents, she replies, “It’s not that I want to make them cry. I just don’t consider their feelings”. She has made her claim on the sport, and we wait for Beersbee to react.

joel Stats Joel

Joel: Known on Broadway for his “bad boy” persona, Joel began playing as a hobby. When scouts from the New York Chuckers spotted him, he became the highest-paid player in the game nearly overnight. At first, many believed he was a joke, being used as a publicity stunt for the new expansion team. But by the end of his first season, Joel’s championship ring, and three Cory Prins trophies had shown the world just what a Triple Threat he was.

mike E Stats Mike

Mike: After an unmatched rookie year, Mike left the game to help design a better Beersbee. Years later, nearly all levels of Beersbee use Mike-Made Frisbees, Mike-Made Poles, and his sister company’s Kick-Up Kups. Now, after having made the sport what it is today, Mike is ready to climb back into his flip-flops, and remind us all why he was awarded “Rookie Most Likely To Be Called ‘The Wayne Gretzky Of Beersbee'”.

anita Stats Anita

Anita: Last year, Anita was seeded nationally at 165th. Her odds of qualifying for the 2013 tournament were placed at 500:1. Most bookies wouldn’t have considered a wager on her. But after disappearing into the Siberian north with the training team from Rocky 4 for nearly five months, Anita has returned with the ability to carry logs through waist-high snow, perform inverted crunches in barns, and lift entire wagons with all of her friends inside. Whether or not these skills will transfer to the court remains to be seen.

james Stats James

James: As the grandson to the owner of one of the “Original Four” Beersbee teams, James has had quite a bit to live up to. With nearly 107 records under his belt (including Fastest Catch and Most Awesome Time), James has yet to impress his most staunch critics. Despite donating a majority of his winnings to Dentists Without Borders, and volunteering with local charities such as “At Risk Youth: Learn Beersbee!”, this coming tournament may be just the stage he needs to quiet the crowd. 2013 Champion; The Drinking Dinos (A)

yuki Stats Yuki

Yuki: After a two-year ban from the sport (the fallout for a brutal cross-check across the neck), all eyes are on Yuki. Many question whether or not she will be able to keep her rage in check, or if she will once again end another young rookies’ career. In the press, she is calm, assertive, and focused. But journalists have not been permitted to practices, and any questions as to her on-court bloodlust have been met with “no comment”. The world of Beersbee holds its breath, as does her opposing team.

image Stats Amber

Amber: A career of firsts has followed Amber: first female Drinking Olympian, first female Olympian to be on the podium, and the first female team captain. In front of the press, she exudes poise and grace, but on the field of play she dials in for victory. Returning after a lengthy suspension for a hotly debated illegal tackle, Amber is now ready to show the league that she is still a contender.

image Stats Derrick

Derrick: After a promising junior career, the stage was set for Derrick to take Beersbee by storm. However, after an awful rookie year, and the worst sophomore year in any of the “Big Five” leagues, Derrick has a very tall mountain to climb.  Despite a new manager, new personal trainer, and steroids, we must wait to see if this is finally the year for him. Derrick is the only person in the competitive circuit to speak vocally against the charges on Brett. We’ll see if Derrick can live up to his idol when he brings out the big guns for his first attempt at a world championship.

Dan Stats Daniel
Dan: The story is now legend in Beersbee locker rooms. With the 2011 Canadian Championship on game point, Dan was given the frisbee and the opportunity to become every childs hero. But in what CBC later called “The Longest Canadian Minute”, RCMP officers appeared courtside, forced Dan to the ground and arrest him for dodging taxes for his small business. Dan’s now famous “Taxidermy Tax Evasion” took its toll on the nation, and the game. Will he rise from the ashes, or be held down by scandal?

Emily Stats Emily
Emily: Not every great starts at the bottom of Beersbee. Emily’s superb skills in the other drinking sports (curling, softball, bocce, golf, mini golf, disk golf, Pro-Am bungie jumping, street racing) make her a force to be feared. While most captains haven’t given her a second thought, there are still those who remember Bo Jackson, who entered the Beersbee league with no record to speak of. They won’t make that same mistake twice.

JessicaStats Jess
Jessica: When one first sees a Great White Shark for the first time, they are overcome with a gambit of emotion. First is an overwhelming fear for ones life. Second is an incredible respect for the power and strength the animal exudes. Finally, one is overcome with a feeling that a great moment has passed, that they will never be able to share or explain completely to anyone who would hear the story. This is how it is to meet Jessica, Beersbee Olympian. Tracing her ancestry back to Marcus Junius Brutus she hopes to end the family tradition of backstabbing and betrayal.

Joel Stats JC

Joel: One of five living players to sport a two-letter nickname, JC has earned the right to be counted among those in the “Deuce Elite”. The blood and sweat he has left on the court vaulted him into the same caliber of players such as AJ, CP, QT, and the controversial FDK. Maintaining an air of mystery around the letters “JC” has only added fuel to the fire; as children speculate, journalist investigate. But for now, his secret remains safe.

chantelStats Yuki

Chantel: As the last hope for her people, Chantel was jettisoned from her home by her parents, along with the entire culture of her planet. As her home world exploded, her shuttle was discovered by quaint farmers in Smallville. Raising the girl as their own, they kept her secret from the world, afraid that if discovered, she would cause fear and pandemonium among mankind. Now, in full control of her powers, and spurred on by world events beyond her control, Chantel must decide for herself what it means to be human.

884582_10152699396680543_1635170939_oStats Hogg

Michael: Originally declared an “abomination” and “an affront to God”, Michael was created by Dr. Von Herstine as a Beersbee experiment. Using DNA from a variety of animals from the Seregeti, and given the memories and skill set of NASAs best astronauts, Michael was taught to crush and destroy (at the expense of learning how to love and care) from the beginning. Since escaping Dr. Von Herstine’s castle, and fleeing from the rioting villagers, Michael has found an outlet for his uncontrollable rage: Beersbee. 2013 Champion; The Drinking Dinos (A)

318416_10150271816927102_931488225_nStats Kent

Kent: The year: 1996. The band: The Backstreet Boys. Internationally, The “BSB” were known to have six members. Kent was that sixth member. Brought on to fill “The Ginger” stereotype, Kent toured with the group during their Europe and Japan tours early on. Despite helping write their biggest Japanese hit “Baby Can You Dig Your Man”, and co-producing their European album “Coming Home Hard” (which went Deux-Platine in France), Kent was quickly dropped by the group, after suggesting they write more songs about the bond between two bros who would do anything for one another. There are no plans for a reunion tour.

Stats Daniel

Mike: Unsure of who his birth father was, Mike set out from his Dojo in search of the man who sired him. After many bar fights, street brawls, and ninja showdowns, he’s discovered that his father has been competing at the Beersbee tournament for the past nine years, defending Earth from Shao Kahn. This year, Mike intends to enter into the tournament himself, and fight his way through any cyborg-mutates that stand between him and the truth. Hat Toss: Back, Back, Forward, Low Punch

 

Stats Yuki

Brandon: In 1999, lead singer for Coldplay Chris Martin was diagnosed with cancer, and passed away in secret. With an upcoming album, the band replaced Chris with Brandon, a local singer with dreams of stardom. After signing a strict non-disclosure contract, the public was told that Brandon was Chris Martin. After their single “Yellow” rocked the airwaves, it was too late for Brandon to set the record straight. Deliberately releasing “Viva la Vida”, Brandon is now free to pursue a normal life, away from Chris’ shadow.

Stats Yuki

Glynn: Everything was business as usual for Glynn, until The Beauty Cup came into her life this year. When her sister, Prim, was selected as the female tribute for District 12 this year, Glynn quickly volunteered to take her place in the Games. The male tribute is none other than Peeta, her childhood friend. Both will have to grow up fast if they’re to survive this brutal competition, but they will have help; the infamous Haymitch Abernathy will be coaching the duo. Can she overcome this new world order, or will the weight of her district be too much to bear? In select theatres June 28th.

Stats Jess

 

Matt: In the Criminal Justice System the people are represented by two separate, yet equally important groups. The police who investigate crime and the District Attorneys who prosecute the offenders. Matt embodies both groups, and must maintain a level of professionalism to avoid obvious conflicts of interests. This season, ripped right from the headlines, Matt goes under cover in the Beauty Cup. On the trail of the man who killed both of his wives, can Matt keep his cover even while the love of his life tries to take his life? Duhn-Duhn!

Stats Emily

 

Damian: After earning some powerful enemies last season, Damian is back and ready to take them all head on. Only a few weeks from earning his Tae Bo Black Belt (Level 12), he is prepared for the worst that last year’s athletes can throw at him. His Over-Head Hip-Hop Throw is unparalleled, and none can match his Side-Crunch Grapevine. Can anyone stop him? Will anyone have the courage to stand up to Damian’s amazing ability to fight to the beat of this years hottest hits?! Only time, and three easy payments of $20, will tell.

Stats James

 

Courtney: Alex Bilodeau. Clara Hughes. Patrick Chan. Courtney Parker. Names of heroic Canadian athletes. People who inspire us to be our very best. Proud Olympians all, and well deserving of our respect. Courtney is ready to step up to the plate, and earn her right to stand tall among the Beersbie greats. She carries a Nation’s spirit on her shoulders, and the Nation’s heart in her hands. We all hold our collective breath as she strives for greatness at the 2014 Beauty Cup.

Stats Anita

Mike: After extensive surgery to both his right Side, and left Side, Mike breaks into the Beersbie scene ready to shake up the status quo. With a heavy hand, and an air-tight game plan, Mike has made bold claims and seems ready to back them up. “I’m here to bring down giants,” says Mike. “This is where we draw a line in the sand. You’re living in a Mike-Made world now, so you’d better learn how to live in it or be left behind”. A bold statement from a bold man. Will his Brave New World come to pass? 2014 will be the year we find out.

Stats Hogg

 

Alana: Alana has the distinct honour of being the first Canadian woman to win an iPad Mini (16GB) for under $1.23 on Quibids.com. While this victory is still hotly debated (a select few feel she used “Bidding Bots” to artificially inflate the bid), one cannot deny that she deserves exactly what she got: a brand new white iPad Mini (16BG), with Retina Display, and Wi-Fi/4G capabilites. Worth over $549 retail, Alana managed to save a heroic amount of money using her quick wit and athletic ability.

Stats Yuki

Crystal: Not all roads to the Beauty Cup are paved in tears and blood. Crystal background is peppered with Beersbee royalty. Some feel that she hasn’t earned her spot on the pitch, but those people are ill-informed. With a throw clocked in at 90 km/h, and style all her own, Crystal is one of the games’ greatest unsung heroes. With a net worth of nearly $46 billion, Crystal is looking to cement her name in the Hall of Fame, so that she can make a hostile acquisition of the Beauty Cup without fan depreciation.


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